Whirlwind

This is it, I move tomorrow. My things, that is. I’ve been going back and forth already for a few days now. It’s been good to be able to just get everything packed and then be away from the chaos. Tomorrow morning, bright and early, my things go back into storage and after some final touches (cleaning, etc.), I will hand in my keys next week. Now that it’s actually happening, I find I am a little dazed by it all. I wander around my apartment and make sure everything is properly sealed, ready for the movers. Today I go to make one final check that everything’s ready for them.

For all my frustrations about this place, I find myself sad to go, isn’t that funny? I had managed to turn my attitude about it around, I know, but I’m still surprised by how I feel about it. I’ll miss the proximity to the lake for sure, it’s been so easy to walk and enjoy the park and the area. I’ll miss being close to the lovely downtown area too. I’m glad I’ll miss it; that means it really was the right place for me to be at the time. That feels good.

There’s so much to be grateful for right now. That makes me feel good too.

May 6 – Productivity and a nice family dinner all in one day.

May 7 – Ran into a good friend during one of my walks.

May 8 – I got to go to a great yoga class today thanks to a good friend.

May 9 – Some really great help with packing and getting organized.

May 10 – I gave the presentation I was nervous about and turned out to really enjoy it!

May 11 – The supports I have. I am so lucky.

May 12 – A day out in clothes that aren’t sweaty and dusty!

May 13 – Mother’s Day calls attention to it, but every day I am so grateful for my mom.

May 14 – I got everything done that needed doing and found good sales on some much-needed items.

May 15 – The apartment windows are open and the smell of fresh grass is throughout.

May 16 – Coffee with a good friend and an easy fix to a problem I was worried about.

May 17 – Decluttering what I don’t use to benefit someone else.

May 18 – Some promising job leads this week.

May 19 – Move the first completed smoothly.

I hope your week is good and that any whirlwinds in your life (and mine) are bringing about good changes.

Gifts

I have been told, “This time is a gift.” I have to say, Universe, at the moment I respectfully disagree and I likely will until I get to look at it in retrospect from my happily employed position. So let’s get on to that so I can admit you were right.

What I can say, is the time I worked over the past year was a gift. Not only did I get to figure out that there is an aspect of my profession that I like to do, I got to try living in a place I had been wanting to live for quite some time. And now that I have lived here, I can let it go. Some of it was great and some of it was so-so, but I’m glad I did it. Not to say I wouldn’t want to come back to the area, because I like it here, but now I can wait for the right situation to come back to.

I gave notice on my place a couple of weeks ago and I will be moving out at the end of the month. It’s a bit of a whirlwind and this place is starting to look much as it did when I moved in, but it’s okay. I’m okay with this. I’m happy to be able to retreat and save some money and I’m happy to be moving somewhere where I won’t be on my own for a while. I like my own company, but there are some limits.

Here are some more gifts from the last couple of weeks:

April 22 – Great leftovers for dinner.

April 23 – This was my birthday and I am grateful for this life.

April 24 – A well-timed call from a good friend.

April 25 – It turned out that I can move earlier than I thought I would.

April 26 – Several moments of inner peace.

April 27 – Spontaneous lunch plans.

April 28 – An unintentional break from the internet proved surprisingly restful.

April 29 – A neat experience during my volunteer time today.

April 30 – I could see the good potential for a possible work situation.

May 1 – I accepted an opportunity to receive some nurturing from a good friend.

May 2 – Great visits with friends who had promising news to share.

May 3 – Several hours of sleep in a row.

May 4 – Open windows all day.

May 5 – Day 2 of good friends coming over to help me pack, resulting in a productive couple of days.

I hope you receive many gifts this week.

Better Today

I went to write a post yesterday, but I was just not in a good place. I have been enjoying some moments of inner peace tonight, which has been some welcome relief. Things are a bit stressful around here, I gave notice to move out of my apartment and will be leaving in 4 weeks, as well as a few other job-seeking related things going on, which have me a bit heightened. What I am working on now is just going with the flow, keeping myself well fed and trying to get enough sleep. And packing. Lots and lots of packing to do. While keeping my place inviting for prospective tenants! Ha ha ha!

Things that are good: Seeing people regularly. Asking for help and accepting it. Telling people how I am feeling, instead of keeping it in, even if I fear being seen as needy. I’m just letting it out. I know there will come a point where things will be better for me and I will be able to be a listener for others. Until then, I so appreciate everyone’s patience while I work this out. And perhaps whine on your shoulders. Just a little bit.

Of the many things I have to be grateful for, here are a few highlights from last week:

April 15 – Family home safe from a long trip.

April 16 – Knowing I have a place to go for as long as I need it.

April 17 – A well-timed phone call from a good friend.

April 18 – I braved dropping a resume off in person.

April 19 – A nice day out with my favourite mom.

April 20 – Took the time to invite positive energy into my home and life.

April 21 – A day full of friends and family and supportive talks.

I have so much good in my life. It’s humbling and makes me so thankful. I wish the same for you.

Focus on the Positive

I just gave myself an honest-to-goodness headsmacker moment. Still sending out resumes and covers letters like crazy when I notice today that one of the cover letters I have been using as a base has some grammatical and punctuation errors in it that make me look like an idiot. Oh my God. I’m alone at home and blushing in horror. In hindsight, I know I went over some and meant to get back to the original to make the corrections and well, that’s apparently today! That’s just so great. So helps me to stay positive. Argh.

So. I’m breathing through the constrictions in my throat and chest and working on being grateful that I have spotted it and corrected it now and hoping each letter gets reviewed on its own merit and I have not been now black-balled as a terrible grammarian. I have to tell you, I hate this not knowing. I hate this limbo I am in. I don’t know what to do and it’s just awful and terrifying. I am just working on getting through each day and remembering that my thing is out there. I can do this.

So, let’s get to some gratitude:

April 8 – A change of scenery for the day.

April 9 – My third cold of the year is clearing up quickly.

April 10 – I felt heard and understood when visiting with a friend.

April 11 – I made the all-day spaghetti sauce and even without 2 key ingredients, it was pretty tasty!

April 12 – 2 walks, 1 long, 1 short, both good.

April 13 – Lunch here with a good friend.

April 14 – I got to go somewhere that gives me comfort.

Here’s to better days for all of us. Let’s all think good thoughts.

Found on the Internet

I came across this through a couple different sources today. I like it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=RYlCVwxoL_g

FILDI.  Have a good day everyone!

I Just Can’t Think of a Title for This One

I hope you had a nice long weekend! Mine was mostly quiet, with my nose buried in a book, but also somewhat busy with forays to see friends, family and meet new puppies. It was good. Still working on relaxing and allowing things to come together and sending out applications like crazy. I know my opportunity is here, it just needs to present itself.

Gratitude week… (counting on fingers)… 14! Wow, that’s 1/4 of the year already.

April 1 – Not one, but two good movies on TV.

April 2 – A beautiful day and the opportunity to be at two of my favourite places in the city.

April 3 – My fancy Sunday dinner stretched not just 2 days, but 3.

April 4 – A good visit that got me out of my head.

April 5 – Promising news that will help me get through the weekend.

April 6 – Clean sheets and fresh pjs. A couple of my favourite things.

April 7 – A day that was surprisingly productive, even though I spent much of it in a book as well!

How did you spend your weekend? I hope it was good.

Rough

I know it hasn’t even been a week yet since I stopped working, but I have to admit to you guys, I’m freaking out. I don’t know what’s coming and I don’t know when it will get here and what I’ll have to do in between. I don’t know what “the right move” is. I don’t know what to do. All I know is what happened last time and I don’t want anything like that to happen again.

What I am doing, is sending resumes everywhere I can think. I check the job boards every day. I have been for months now. I have been telling my friends in the field to “keep an eye out for me.” But during a time when the place you were at can’t keep you, it’s really hard to find anyplace that has space for you. It’s sort of a “one in, one out” thing.

What’s a bit maddening about the whole thing is I chose this field with thought. It has been and is still listed as a “growth industry” for over 10 years (since before I went to school). I also chose it because it was something I wanted to do, but there was that implication that there would be work. Right now, everyone is just fighting to hold onto who they have.

Anyways. If you can spare them, some good thoughts for me would be appreciated. I will think them for you too. Thank you.

More Reason Than Ever

It’s been a bit busy around here and I finally have time to catch my breath/decompress. My job ended this week. It was expected, although earlier than originally expected. It was a contract covering a maternity leave and despite my hopes that something could be worked out, the same reasons that made this year so enjoyable for me are likely the ones that made her want to come back. I understand that. It doesn’t make it any easier for me, but I understand that. So I have been a whirlwind of report writing and loose-end tying and just trying to make sure I left things as best as I could for everyone involved. And I feel I have achieved that, which to me is no small feat. I’m actually happy with the way I have left things. I can’t think of a single thing I “should” have gotten done. A few I would have liked to, but nothing was missed that was needed. Let’s hope they feel that way too.

You would think I would never want to look at a computer again, but here I am, playing on the internets. I can see that I’m still feeling it a bit though. The amount of typos I am correcting in this post is a lot higher than usual — shouldn’t constant typing make me better at that?

I will admit to being sad and a little miffed that it had to be this way. I wouldn’t be human if I wasn’t. I was just getting the feel of the place and my rhythm down. I was just starting to see exciting changes in what I was working on. I had just come to the realization that a job existed in my field where I liked the work itself in addition to the amazing colleagues and great work environment, and I could see myself liking it for a long time. And it’s over. Never truly mine in the first place.

And what’s next? That’s the hard part. I’ve been looking for several months already. I’m working on being positive and remembering this is a good time to be looking, that this is a lot better than the last time I was looking, that there are a few things that might be coming into being. But for now, I will admit that I’m worried. That I’m scared. That I can’t see where things are going to go and it’s driving me a little bonkers. The last time I did the search, it took so much longer than I ever thought it could. I’m worried that it could happen again. What then?

Everyone around me has been very positive and I appreciate that. I am trying to trust that. Answer back with an affirmation better than “Gosh, I hope so!” to bring it into the affirmative and therefore into being. I’m not great at it, but I’m getting better. I have to trust that there is something for me now. Something great. Something that is mine. Let’s see it already.

Now more than ever, I think I need to stay on the gratitude thing. I lapsed a little bit with the work wrap-up, but even in my post-wrap-bleary state, I was able to reflect upon a few things that made me thankful this week. Finding the good when things are rocky is probably the hardest thing to do, but it will go a long way in keeping me afloat. So here goes:

March 18 – Amazingly beautiful day

March 19 – A long sit at the park with my coffee watching the birds.

March 20 – I met with a lovely small group of people and experienced some remarkable synchronicity with them. Also, Equinox = Spring!

March 21 – I remembered that doing dishes does not seem to take as long when there is some good music to listen to.

March 22 – Windows open, fresh air in.

March 23 – Sudden, huge patches of daffodils everywhere.

March 24 – Tea and fun conversation with family.

March 25 – Quality time with some amazing people I am honoured to call both friends and teachers.

March 26 – Solidly productive day.

March 27 – Surprisingly productive day in a very busy and distracting environment.

March 28 – It took me all day, but everything I hoped would be done, is done.

March 29 – A lovely good-bye lunch and I left things exactly how I wanted to at work. There’s nothing more to do.

March 30 – Great guidance peppered with much laughter. I so needed that.

March 31 – Tea and laughter and a good rant and more laughter.

Things don’t look so scary now.

We All Have Celtic Roots Today

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! This is one of my favourite days of the year, and not for the green beer. It is fun to lay claim to the part of my history that is Irish for the day and watch others have that fun too, but that’s not the reason either. For me, it’s the birthday of not one, but two dear ones of mine, as well as the day for me that spring actually arrives. This year it has definitely started already, it’s been beautiful all week and my very faint, yet present, evidence of having been out in the sun from lunches outside and walking in the park is off to a great start (incidentally, it’s always faint. I am a fair-skinned wonder).

Today has been foggy outside all day and I loved it. I didn’t go out in it, but I still felt like I was in some kind of fairy tale (or an Irish faerie glen!), like if I had gone down to the lake I could have woven my way into the mist and felt like I had the park to myself, no matter how many visitors were there. Like it would have muffled the sounds as well as the sights. Instead, it helped me to stay inside and get some work done, which I needed. I took lots of breaks to look out the windows.

I’m trying to think of a good segue into the gratitude portion of this post, but to no avail. So instead, here’s my list for this week:

March 11 – Despite knowing everyone and their dog would be at the park (and they were!), I still got out for a walk in the beautiful weather.

March 12 – I received news that my newest family member arrived safe and sound and already has his parents wrapped around his wee finger.

March 13 – Got a message today that even though my time at my workplace has been short, it mattered.

March 14 – Lunch outside in the beautiful weather.

March 15 – I enjoyed the amazing thunder and lightning show, with only a few nervous moments at its height, as I drove into work.

March 16 – A solitary venture to the park turned into surprise gelato and a nice visit with friends that I ran into while there.

March 17 – The birthday of people who I’m very grateful to have in my life.

I didn’t have a green drink, but my Guinness glass holds a good-sized Coca-Cola float at any rate :-) If you enjoy celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, what do you like to do?

Lovely People Writing Lovely Things

I can’t not share these two amazing pieces of writing from a couple of my daily blog reads. Selfishly, I’m putting them here as much for me as for you (so I can go back and read them again!).

The first, by Rebecca Woolf of Girl’s Gone Child, talking about how life not going how you planned doesn’t mean it’s not unfolding as it is meant to. Something I definitely need to remember: http://www.girlsgonechild.net/2012/03/thing-of-week-magic.html

The second, by Karen Walrond of Chookooloonks, about things we should make sure our kids know. We should make sure we as adults know them too: http://www.chookooloonks.com/blog/what-i-want-my-daughter-to-know-iwd

What have you read this week that has moved you?