Let Go Already

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? – Alice Bradley, Reverb 10

This is my third attempt at this post. Which indicates that I need to write it. Another hint was that WordPress wouldn’t let me post what I had as a private entry, so I get to be all public about this too. Yippee.

Or, keep it as a draft. Take THAT, Universe. Such the rebel (not).

The main problem I am having with this topic is that I have not let anything go this year. Nothing at all. I could argue that 2009 was my year to let go of things (a LOT of things!), but I suppose since letting go is an on-going process, I have to admit that I was not so successful this year. In fact, I have been fighting letting go. I’m holding on for dear life and digging in with my nails for added measure.

What am I fighting so hard to hold onto? I think it is control. Not that I have really felt I had any this year, but I have been trying anyway. I feel like if I am not somehow “helping,” somehow consciously making sure things go how I want them to, I’ll just stay stuck in this limbo. However, here I am, stuck in this limbo.

I don’t even know how I would let go of that. And how to embrace the opposite, which I think is trust. I can say I am until I’m blue in the face, but since I don’t know what that should feel like, I don’t know if I’m actually doing it. Plus, if I trust something other than myself, things may not turn out the way I want… Right now, that seems like not such a great thing, but I am trying to remind myself that it can also mean that things turn out better than I could have imagined.

Argh.

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