I never thought I would ever describe myself in this manner, but there’s just no other explanation for what’s up with me right now. World, I think I am hormonal. Granted, not without reason, but the tears, they are a-flowing, and what is usually just an extra-grumpilicious good time is kind of turning into a reflection of everything that’s sad or worrying in my life right now.
It’s kind of okay. A release of sorts. I am not short on stress right now and have been wondering when and how I would be able to let it out. It seems that starting the process on what may be the closing of a very big part of my life has done it.
Something from my childhood is being let go. A part of “home.” It was never mine, but yet it was, and it’s tied to so many happy, happy memories. And my heart kind of breaks a little when I think about it too much. It’s made me think of people who are no longer here and times when life was so much simpler. And I miss that. I miss all of that so very much, and the thought of it no longer being physically part of us just feels so final. While it’s still with us, I could pretend those days weren’t really gone. But they are. They’ve been gone a while.
We’re not. And now there are new family members who weren’t around then, who we just wouldn’t work without. And what has been the source of many shiny, happy memories for me has been that and more for those in the middle of all of this, but it has also been the source of much blood, sweat and tears. Hard work and sleepless nights. Marvelous highs and complete heartbreak. And for them, for them, I will be happy for their freedom.
So… maybe not just hormones… It’s not overnight, it may not happen for quite some time, but the process is started. I’m trying not to mourn it before it’s time, but I think allowing myself to feel it is good too.