Birthday Thoughts

It’s that time of year again. Today I turn 38 years old. I wasn’t sure I was going to admit that all out in the open like that, but it is what it is, and it is 38. It’s been a nice day. The weather is lovely, I got to flex time for work, so I’m off and I had a really nice family gathering on the weekend to celebrate.

I always get a little reflective this time of year. I think more so, now that I am older. I have the same complaints as many — my beauty supplies more and more have the words “miracle” or “Olay” in their names. I see more lines around my eyes and more squishy parts in other places — in some photos I take now, I hardly recognize myself, although I still see the same person I always have in the mirror. Certain milestone moments still elude me. My life looks nothing like how I thought it would by now. There are ways in which this makes me unhappy, but at the same time, I don’t know what I am missing and maybe this isn’t so bad? Somehow I don’t think so, but I’m going to hold onto that for today, if you don’t mind.

Things that are going well: Work — and that I get to go back to it tomorrow. Family — We are all of us accounted for. Friends — I gots the best. These are all good things. Also, the most fantastic person at work yesterday said she felt bad estimating that I might be 30 soon, hence the aforementioned title of Most Fantastic Person at Work.

What I hope for myself for what is to continue and to come: I would like to find a good man to be my friend and go through the rest of my life with. I still think about having children, even though I would be an older mom. I’m not quite on the upper end of that range just yet, so anything’s possible. A permanent work home that makes me happy and fulfilled when I am there, and from which I can separate when I am not. To live comfortably and have all of what I need and most of what I want. A healthy body, a healthy mind, a healthy spirit.

There are other things of course, like further exploration of things I am interested in and maybe a 2nd career path down one of those roads. Travel. A good, solid, healthy, retirement fund. Being able to enjoy everything life has to offer without fear or worry. But those are the basics up there. So let’s get on that.

My birthday is also known as St. George’s Day, named for St. George the dragon slayer. Even though I kind of like dragons (they are so friendly in cartoons and so majestic in pictures and no, I haven’t come up against a hungry one, why do you ask?) and I suspect that the “dragon” in question was a very good ruse meant to convert yet another small part of the world to a certain religion, I like the idea that my birthday is on such a day. It makes me feel like I’ve got some fire in my belly for when the chips are down. Like I can get through life’s knocks and continue the fight another day. It’s nice for this time of year, when the milestones do click by and I hold up the yardstick to measure my life. And although I do find things wanting in certain areas, I can still see the good around me too. [Insert appropriate war-cry here]

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